I miss the years of handwritten letters

Tech-wise, our younger days in the 1970s, 80s and 90s cannot be compared to these days, but they were not boring. We had no Facebook, Twitter (now X), Instagram and TikTok. We only had radio stations, TV stations, videos, music, novels, magazines, and comics. But most importantly, we had the handwritten letter, which we sent and received.

We took our time to write these letters because they could not be edited as today’s letters on computers can. Sometimes, we would first write a draft before copying it into a fresh paper, to make sure that errors and cancellations were minimal. These letters could be to our loved ones, relatives, teachers, employers or prospective employers. But one type that most people can easily remember is the romantic letter.

One thing letters taught us was patience. If you wrote a letter, you would put it in an envelope, affix a stamp to it and post it. It would take some days to get to the recipient who would read it and most likely reply. Therefore, it could take a week or two or more to get a response. You just had to wait. The handwritten letters went hand-in-hand with cards: birthday cards, exam success cards, love cards, etc.

But the days of handwritten letters and love notes are long gone. They died when email became popular and were buried when phone chatting and pinging were born.
When was the last time you received a handwritten letter from your post office box or home address? Most likely over 20 years ago. Who has the time and patience to write and wait for two weeks to get a response when one could get a response instantly? Technology has changed our attitude to handwritten letters.

If five men were to leave the same handwritten note on a table, their wives would have a tough job identifying the one written by their respective husbands. Why? Maybe they have never received a handwritten letter or note from their husbands in over 10 years of marriage. The same thing would happen if men were asked to pick out their wives’ handwritten letters from a pack.

In addition, there are beautifully designed and romantically worded cards that can be bought and given on special days like Valentine’s Day, birthdays, wedding anniversaries, etc. For those who want to send romantic words through email, there are many romantic expressions that can be copied from online sites. There are even love letters that have been written online that one can copy and send, with little or no adaptation, and still feel like a champion lover. Therefore, the yearning to write a letter on paper, using a pen, is almost non-existent.

There is nobody to blame for this. It is only natural and sensible to do that which is practical, trendy, cheaper and faster.

But there is a negative side to this. A handwritten love letter is original, different, well-thought-out, deep, detailed and concrete. Having received SMSes, or emails or pings for a long time, a person would feel happier to receive a handwritten note, especially on the person’s special day. Novel things feel different and romantic. But most importantly, a handwritten note seems more personal and private. It has the touch of the writer. It feels more honest. It bears the writer’s imprint. Therefore, it gives the impression that it conveys the writer’s feelings and personality in a better way without the interference of technology. The reader visualises the writer while reading the note.

In addition, a handwritten love note can be read and re-read. It can be carried in a purse or wallet and read as many times as possible. It can be filed away. And in times of sadness, loneliness or excitement, it can be fished out and read again.

An SMS or a chat message is conversational. It contains thoughts expressed on the spur of the moment depending on the trend and circumstance of the chat. Therefore, it comes in one-line expressions. But a handwritten letter is different. It is an essay which captures the flow of the writer’s thoughts and feelings. The writer is not interrupted or distracted by the comments of the person it is directed to. The writer has all the time to spend writing it, rewriting it and ensuring that he or she uses the most appropriate words and expressions. That is why as the recipient of an important letter, especially a romantic one, you usually don’t read it once. You will read it first upon receipt. Then you will lie down to read it again, put it under your pillow and read it again a few more times before putting it in your purse or wallet or handbag, from where it is eventually put in a bag at home for future reference.

What sustains love is the novelty that is added to it now and then. When things are done the same way for a long time, they lose their power to excite. It is worse for people who have known each other for a long time. Most times, couples remember only to bicker, and forget to exchange love messages. Sometimes, it is because only one of the spouses uses endearing words while the other never initiates any endearing message or action. The assumption of the partner that never initiates any love move is that love is a thing of the heart, not words. But love is not only meant to be shown; it is also meant to be expressed. When this one-sided relationship persists, the partner becomes somewhat demoralised about saying or writing anything romantic. Also sometimes it is caused by the annoying words and actions that have been exchanged for years, which make it difficult to switch from the antagonistic, hurt mode to the loving mode.

But every love relationship needs a spice once in a while. That spice may not be a boat cruise. It may not be a candle-lit dinner. It may not be a new dress, some expensive jewellery, or a new car. These are all wonderful treats that can be given to a loved one during special occasions. But they may not be the fillip your relationship or marriage requires. That boost may be something as simple as a handwritten love note that truly expresses your feelings.

If you have a relationship that seems to be losing its fire, why not try the handwritten letter? Get a card, address it, then write a letter and enclose it in the card and send it to your partner.

Most ladies who were in their teens or early 20s before the end of the 1990s received love letters, especially ones that came in flowery, scented notepads. Receiving a handwritten note would fill them with nostalgia and make them feel again like little girls falling in love for the first time.

But it does not necessarily need to be the man giving the partner a handwritten letter and a card. A woman can also initiate it for her man. The bottom line is to try something different, especially something that worked in the past and has the capacity to create a nostalgic feeling.